The Stress That Stays in Your Body (and What to Do About It)
Understanding stress cycles + how we actually come back to ourselves
A moment I see all the time in the therapy space.
Someone sits down, exhales, and says:
“I dealt with it… so why do I still feel this way?”
And I get it—because we’ve been taught that once the problem is handled, the stress should disappear too.
But that’s not how our bodies work.
Stress vs. Stressors
A small but powerful shift:
Stressors are external. Stress is internal.
Stressors are things like:
the exam
the hard conversation
the email you didn’t want to send
the mental load of everyone depending on you
Stress is what happens inside your body in response.
Your nervous system activates—heart rate increases, muscles tighten, stress hormones flood your system. And here’s the important part:
That response doesn’t automatically turn off when the situation ends.
Why you still feel “on edge”
This is where so many people get stuck.
We:
solve the problem
check the box
move on
…but our body is still bracing for the threat.
Because the stress response hasn’t been completed.
The missing step: completing the stress cycle
Burnout isn’t just about too many stressors.
It’s about too many incomplete stress cycles.
Your body needs a clear signal that it’s safe again.
Without that signal, the stress stays—quietly building over time.
It can look like:
irritability
exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix
feeling numb or disconnected
wondering why things feel harder than they “should”
What I often remind clients (and myself)
You are not broken.
You are mid-cycle.
Gentle ways to complete the stress cycle
This isn’t about doing more or doing things perfectly.
It’s about small, body-based ways to close the loop.
Move your body
This is one of the most effective ways to tell your nervous system:
“We’re okay now.”
Think:
a short walk
stretching between tasks
dancing to one song in your kitchen (this is one of my favourites)
It doesn’t need to be intense. It just needs to happen.
Breathe in a way that softens you
Not “perfect” breathing—just intentional.
Try:
longer exhales than inhales
unclenching your jaw
letting your shoulders drop
Small shifts can send powerful signals of safety.
Let the emotion move
This one is often the hardest.
Crying. Laughing. Venting. Saying, “that was a lot.”
Emotions are part of the stress response. When we suppress them, we pause the cycle instead of completing it. We can only pause for so long before we eventually erupt again or fall into a freeze (numb) response.
Seek safe connection
You don’t have to carry stress alone.
This can be:
a quick text to someone you trust
sitting beside someone who feels easy
a hug, if that feels right
Connection helps your nervous system settle in ways that thinking alone can’t.
Do something gently creative
Not for productivity—just for process.
doodling or crafting
cooking
music
rearranging a space
Creativity gives your body a way to process without needing words.
A reframe to hold onto
We often think:
“I need to manage my stress better.”
But what if the goal isn’t management?
What if it’s awareness and completion?
The part that matters most
You won’t eliminate all your stressors.
That’s not realistic—especially if you’re holding a lot, caring for others, or navigating a full season of life.
But you can build small rhythms that help your body come back to baseline.
Not perfectly.
Not all at once.
But consistently.
If you take one thing from this
Tonight, instead of asking:
“Did I get everything done?”
Try asking:
“Did my body get a chance to finish what it started?”
Even five minutes counts.
Even something small counts.
You don’t need to earn your way back to calm.
Your body is already trying to get you there—
you just have to help it complete the cycle.
Written by Kyla Balderson (Registered Social Worker)